When was the last time you had a lollipop?
For me, it had been so long I can鈥檛 remember. So when the chance presented it recently, I took it.
I had purchased a kid鈥檚 meal at a fast food place for the rapidly growing 12-year-old in our house.
Turns out, it wasn鈥檛 nearly enough for his ravenous appetite, but that鈥檚 a story for another day.
Within that 鈥榯astes good, not so good for you鈥� package was a lollipop.
He left it behind.
鈥淵ou want that?鈥� I asked.
鈥淣o. Help yourself.鈥�
鈥淢ost excellent,鈥� I thought.
I took off its plastic cover, got in one furtive lick before the other ravenous beast in the house 鈥� the dog 鈥� came rumbling over to see if it was a treat for him.
As I tried to slip past him, I dropped the lollipop.
Shouting 鈥渘o鈥� at the dog, I grabbed quickly for the candy.
My internal monologue automatically went 鈥渇ive-second rule.鈥�
That rule, of course, being the old adage that if you drop some food but pick it up within five seconds, there won鈥檛 be enough time for nasty bacteria to attack.
I can still remember the exact minute I first heard the term. I was maybe five, and my Gramps was passing me a burger made on the barbecue. I dropped it and became instantly sad.
Gramps pounced, much like I did many times later in life, scooped it up and proclaimed 鈥渇ive-second rule.鈥�
He explained it to me and I happily ate the burger with no ill effects.
I also didn鈥檛 understand how a little dirt would put hair on my chest, but I didn鈥檛 question that either.
Now, we鈥檙e able to immediately look up things like this, and I can quickly learn that scientific studies have shown that bacteria can transfer to food almost instantly upon contact with contaminated surfaces, regardless of how quickly you pick it up.
Dang.
Even knowing that, I still just gave the lollipop a quick rinse, finished it in about two chomps and that was that.
It got me wondering what type of other old gems of advice we used to get, and how they stand up today.
Remember 鈥渄on鈥檛 sit within six feet of the TV or you鈥檒l go blind鈥�?
The parents said this, conveniently ignoring the fact we had to lie on the ground right in front of the TV to be low enough to avoid the cloud of toxic cigarette smoke that filled the room.
鈥淒on鈥檛 go outside with wet hair; you鈥檒l catch a cold.鈥�
I still think about that every time I go out after hopping in the shower 鈥� even after looking it up and seeing colds are caused by viruses, not temperature exposure.
鈥淓ating carrots will improve your eyesight.鈥�
Maybe partially true, since Vitamin A is good for eye health, but I questioned that right from the start.
鈥淢um, how come you need glasses but you鈥檙e always eating carrots?鈥�
鈥淗ow come Bugs Bunny can鈥檛 see like Superman?鈥�
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Another one:
鈥淚f you cross your eyes, they鈥檒l stay that way.鈥�
This may have been meant to make me stop making goofy faces at my sister but even then I knew my eyes wouldn鈥檛 stay that way.
How did I know?
Because I went into the bathroom and timed how long I could hold the silly pose, and nothing happened.
鈥淒on鈥檛 swallow gum; it takes seven years to digest.鈥�
This one was kind of scary.
I remember accidentally swallowing gum a few times as a kid and thinking it would be lodge in there and block things up. Today, I learn that you may not be able to digest it, but it proceeds through just like anything else.
Whew.
Along the same lines: 鈥淚f you swallow watermelon seeds they will grow in your stomach.鈥�
This was also mildly scary, but watermelon was so good it was worth the risk.
鈥淐racking your knuckles causes arthritis.鈥�
Strictly designed to make you stop making the annoying sounds. For one, I didn鈥檛 know what arthritis was. But two, I do have arthritic knees, so maybe there was something there.
Can you remember old tales like that your parents told you? I鈥檇 love to hear them.
PQB News/VI Free Daily editor Philip Wolf welcomes your questions, comments and story ideas. He can be reached at 250-905-0019 or by email at philip.wolf@blackpress.ca.
